Here Goes
by Luinlith
Summary: A fanfic about taking chances, for the sake of love. A D/Hr ficlet.


Here Goes

By Luinlith

A fanfic about taking chances, for the sake of love. D/Hr ficlet.

A/N: Inspiration credits go to The Scientist by Coldplay and I Should Tell You from the musical Rent. R+R please, thank you!

Disclaimers: Everything belongs to JK Rowling, and all the other companies that go with it. Phooey.

Dedication: To all of you who told me that my muse was just vacationing in Morocco and will be back soon. You know who you are. 

I saw you, going down those stairs. Under all the soft yellow candlelight, the mild chattering that soon drowned out to the background, the glimmer girls' jewelries and shining dresses gave off and the constant flashes of a hundred cameras, your beauty was genuine and intoxicating. 

Your hand was softly placed on the railing, thin fingers sliding down as you took a step, one, two. You were dressed in all white, your robes made of the finest silk. It went over your feet and its wavy ends dragged along the stairs, and it seemed like such a hassle but you didn't care. Oh, you couldn't trip. You held your head high and moved in the most graceful way I have ever seen. You carried that gown so beautifully, and it complemented you so well as it hugged your body perfectly, and I wanted to hold you in my arms so badly. So badly. You, with your shining eyes boring into mine, those kind smiling lips, and that wavy hair that smelled of strawberries and vanilla falling freely down your shoulders. And when you took that final step and stood there, barely inches away from me, I heaved out one big sigh…a sigh that made my legs go weak and my spine shiver.

I didn't even know I had held my breath then.

"Draco." You acknowledge me, with a sincere grin and a polite nod.

"Hermione…good evening."

Just then, he came by. Potter had stood beside you and had given me one quick glare. Then he took his eyes away from me and looked at you, greeted you heartily and dragged you away, telling you that the ball was about to start and some Gryffindors were taking pictures with that boy Creevey's camera. He took your hand and pulled you gently, leaving me there empty and blank as you turn your head around many times to catch a glance at me while you and him approached the Gryffindor crowd just a few feet from where we first stood. You saw my face and caught my eyes, and that night, it betrayed everything inside me. 

You know what I feel, how I feel…you understand, don't you? Please understand.

I need you.

We didn't know it would end up this way. We didn't know we'd come this far. But when I first held you in my arms, passions flaring, and felt your sweet lips on mine, I knew. It was so perfect, just so right that anything else, I was sure, would be wrong. 

You gave me life, you awoke my spirit, you opened up my heart. I move because of you, feel because of you, breathe because of you. I'm dying, desperate for your touch, for one free look at you without fear of what one simple glance can do. Don't you see? 

But then, you don't see.

It was that night of months ago, when we were in the Astronomy Tower and you were leaning on me while we sat on a blanket lying on the floor, looking at the stars.

"I love you." I had whispered it in your ears, three words that were poison to me before. But now…

You stiffened, and I felt it so well. "What did you say?" You didn't look at me still.

"I said…I love you." My body suddenly went cold, because of the fear. You know why I was scared.

"Draco, I — "

"You don't love me, do you?"

"Of course I love you, but you know it can never be — "

"Normal? Because we'll be acting like we hate each other with unmistakable passion most of the time?"

You slightly bend your head down. Silence surrounds us for a while, but you speak softly again. "I thought you'd agree."

"Of course I agree, but not anymore. I'm ready to let everyone know about it." I thought you would be glad, and you would have this huge grin you bore when you perfected an exam, happy tears brimming in your eyes.

But when you didn't say anything, I understood. 

I stood up, and started pacing. "I'm ready to risk my name and reputation, and oh yes, my life for you, that's all. Never mind that my father would disown _then_ murder me when he finds out. Let's just forget that I will lose everything I own, and I'm not just talking materialistically here, when I come out of this room tonight and show the whole world that I'm in love with you, and I don't care that people will be staring at us while we hold each other's hands while we walk or when I kiss you in public. Never mind that I don't care, for the first time in my life, about what people think. I'm goddamn in love with you!" 

You turn around to face me, while still sitting on the floor. "And you don't think this is hard for me? All I ask is you have patience and give this a little time! We'll be out of school in a few months. Why can't we just wait for that?"

"Wait for you to say the same thing when we're out of school, working, and living our own lives?"

You take your eyes away from me. "Don't say that."

"You know it's true."

"I'm just…scared."

You bend down to where I sat and took both my hands in yours. Then I take my right hand to cup your face softly. "Hermione, who's not?"

You refused to look at me when I said that to you. 

"I have to go," was all you said, and you stood up quietly from the floor, opened the door of the tower and closed it with a soft click.

So here we are, final year, final night. Tomorrow everything ends, tomorrow everything about these familiar walls will be lost to us in all the hustle and bustle of the future.

I don't want you to be lost from me too.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it has been tradition ever since the first Graduation Ball that the Headmaster invites all our students, especially the couples, to a dance after dining. And as I do each year, I ask our Head Boy and Head Girl to lead us into the dance. Now this is all in good taste, mind you. Let us call on the two, shall we? Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Granger, do take center stage." Dumbledore gives us his famous wink and an old man's sincere smile.

I was standing near the pumpkin juice table, listening to Dumbledore's speech while I sipped a glass of the sweet drink a thin Hufflepuff was serving. When I heard his request, command rather, I darted my eyes immediately to where you were.

And I see you there, laughing heartily with your friends. You were sitting on one round table with the rest of your Gryffindor pals with Neville, your date, sitting beside you, who you accepted as your date out of pity and because it was the last Hogwarts grand event for you, after all. Not everyone delighted at the sight, let alone the concept, of you dancing with a Slytherin. Dancing with me. But you stand up, and your friends still applaud, for you.

Before you could walk any farther however, I had come to stand before you with my hand outstretched to take yours. You hide the smile you wanted to show and take my hand, and with that I led you to the middle of the Great Hall, where the dancing was held.

You still had that somber expression when you put your hands on my shoulder, and I put mine on your slim waist. When the slow music began to play, we had swayed in sync, together… And we had our eyes on each other, my lost ones looking down to you and your hopeful ones gazing up to mine. Your features soften when I gave you a friendly yet repressed smile.

"How are you?" I ask. "It's been a while."

"Fine, just fine. I'm…I'm thinking of taking some classes at a wizarding university at Wales after graduation, you know…the ones on advanced Potions that you suggested to me? It seems like a worthwhile thing to do before I take on that teaching offer in France."

"Glad you still value anything I've said to you." I look away, trying to avoid you from seeing the hurt in my eyes. But you frowned. You heard that sarcastic tone, and knew how wounded I felt. 

No words. You had no words. 

"I'm…I'm sorry." 

"Don't apologize. I don't need it."

Silence engulfs us a few moments, just enough time for me to notice that some couples have joined us in dancing in the middle of the hall. Potty was there with the Weasel's younger sister, and Weasel himself was having some quality time with his girlfriend, that Brown person. A hundred words reeled inside my mind, but there was no place for a good insult.

"I…I've been meaning to speak with you ever since that night…two months ago."

My voice croaked when I spoke back. "About what?"

"Do you still love me?" You look up to my eyes, but I try my best to avoid yours.

"How can you ask me that? Now? Why?" I whispered furiously, but softly so no one can hear. All those emotions — anger, pain, scorn, resentment — but most of all love, whirled inside me.

"Because I love you, Draco. And it's taken me two months of sleepless nights to realize that."

"Aren't you ashamed of me, Hermione? Aren't you asking me to live some damned life full of pretending in the day and loving you in the night so that we can be happy? Because you of all people must know, being the genius that you are, that there is no happiness and peace in that."

"I'm not asking you to pretend anymore. We can stop pretending."

"Stop joking, Granger. This isn't the time to kid with me." 

"Draco, look at me. Do I look like I'm kidding you?" You unknowingly squeeze my shoulder as you raise your voice a little higher.

Silence. I take a deep breath and continue to lead you in this dance. I wish now, that the song would end. I wish I never came to this dance. I wish I never was a prefect and I wouldn't have known the real you, and that I wasn't the Head Boy, so I wouldn't have been dragged into doing this, wish that you weren't real, that you were just a dream, that you weren't really in front of me, us dancing together, barely inches apart —

"We only look like a disaster. You've decided to take a risk for love once, and I'm ready to take my own risk now. What do I have to do to convince you to take that leap again? Isn't that what this love is about…taking the risks? And knowing, and being comforted in knowing, that we'd be taking them together?"

I couldn't answer you. You spoke so rashly, never like the Hermione you let on, who spoke softly and watched her words and extended her vocabulary. It was you, the real you; that hard, strong yet gentle way you spoke, quick yet words always clear, your eyes clear and shining, the passion animating you, the feelings and the moment raw, and your own strong voice croaking as you ran out of breath.

Nothing, nothing was registering in my mind when I heard you say all that. It was just anger at you, for all you've made me go through — anger and resentment and pain and this sudden feeling, this asphyxiation —

This joy and happiness and relief, taking over me. These, feelings true. 

"Who…Who said I'd never take the risk again?" I smile at you, choking as I spoke but tears almost falling from my eyes. I take my hand from your grasp and caress your face, the bones in my body shaking, reaching the tips of my cold fingers. "Of course, you silly bint. Of course I would."

No thoughts, no worries, no reeling images.

Slowly, I push you closer to me and bring my lips to yours.

We were oblivious to everything that night. We forgot the instant murmurs, the choking in the background, the loud wailing, the obvious uproar. We were free, then, free of anything that bound us to live a lie.    

And it felt better than any other feeling in the world.

"Here goes."


End file.
